My Left Foot

My Left Foot

On Monday the weather here was 50 degrees Fahrenheit and every cat in the house wanted to go outside. Most of them wandered the yard, smelled the fresh air, and came back inside. But Sansa stayed out.

She’s never been the most streetwise cat and we always worry that something will happen to her. Every hour on the hour we would go to the back yard and call her name. No sign of Sansa. Finally Carjo called out the front door and heard this pathetic mewing. It took us a while to figure it out but Sansa was thirty feet up the tree in the front yard and had been there for hours. I tried to use our old folding ladder to get up in the air to coax her down but she could barely see me. Then I got the bright idea to use the extension ladder. I aimed it at the main crotch of the tree and got the thing anchored. Then I climbed up and started trying to cajole Sansa to climb down. She inched her way down a little while Carjo called me an idiot for climbing up there. I was just starting the downward climb when the base of the ladder slid out on the wet (but still very frozen) ground. For a split second I hung there like Wile E. Coyote. And then I made my way downward. I landed standing up, just missing the ladder but all of my weight was on my left foot. It broke the tibia and fibula, dislocated the ankle, and shattered the talus.

The City Ambulance was having a meeting downtown. So response time to Carjo’s 911 call was immediate. There I am laying in the front lawn and pickup trucks are coming from everywhere. Oh, this is going to be the talk of the town for a few days.

They trucked me off to Williston’s Mercy Hospital where an ortho was on duty. He did a helluva job putting me together with pins and screws and right now I am in a wrapped brace/splint contraption that is heavier than the entire Black Sabbath catalog. In two weeks they’ll take this off and give me a cast that hopefully will be lighter.

I spent two nights in the hospital. The morphine based pain relievers made me vomit in an instant so I was switched to a new pain med called Norco. It works slower and usually put me to sleep but it does manage the pain.

For the next two months I’ll be unable to put any weight on this foot. I will get around with a walker and crutches but my movements are quite limited. Plus you’re not supposed to mix Norco and alcohol. That seems quite unfair. I’ll be exploring a workaround for that.

Right now, I am sitting at my desk in the man cave. I’ve got the left foot resting on a cat scratching bed that gets it up in the air a few inches. Arya, who has been working hard to be Daddy’s number one cat, spent the entire night and morning with me. Now she’s finally left and Sansa is sleeping behind me now. I suspect Arya whispered to her, “try not to fuck this up, OK.”

About jeroljohnson

I guess I'm the crying on the inside kind of clown
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