A Driving Rant

Snow fell last night. Not much, a couple inches in the southern suburbs but as usual it brings out the worst in a couple types of drivers.

Category #1: SUV simpletons. “Oh look, I still drive an enormous gas-guzzling vehicle because I am convinced it makes me look like I am the rugged outdoorsy type and not just another guy with a small penis.” I really don’t want to know what justification women use to drive those beasts. But regardless, they all drive like their tanks are impervious to the effects of wet or slick roads. Thus they barrel along at well above the speed limit, splashing that salty MN road-soup all over the other cars and always ending up in a ditch or straddling the median because four-wheel drive is actually WORSE on slippery surfaces.

Category #2: Cautious cretins. Now I can understand if you have just moved here from say, Alabama, or some place that sees snow only on TV. But the rest of you have either grown up here or been here long enough to learn how to handle an inch or two of snow. It’s not brain surgery to drive down a snow-covered road at a decent speed. Most modern cars have anti-lock brakes, and a lot even have traction control of some sort. There is no need for you to crawl at 35 mph in a 65 mph zone on a fairly dry road just because there’s a few flakes in the air. Unless of course you are one of those tools that has to be on the phone as well when you drive. In which case I have another lecture for you…

About jeroljohnson

I guess I'm the crying on the inside kind of clown
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